Driving the DIVINE INDIAN WAY < by Mr. Amit Banerjee >

I could not stop admiring this post and could not trace its link. So, hoping that I am not trespassing into copyrighted territory, and with full credit to the person who is probably its author, I am posting it here.
Hope you guys will enjoy it as much as I did. On Chennai roads at least most of it is true.

- DRIVING – DEVINE INDIAN WAY

Driving in India For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.
This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.
This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

VISHUDINA AASHAMSAKAL ! HAPPY VISHU!!

On the happy occasion of Vishu, I would like to thank all my readers who have made this blog their favorite hangout. I hope that this new year sees all of you in good health enjoying prosperity and peace. Let me also take the opportunity towelcome the new readers to The Garden of Eden.  Happy reading !

Adam and Eve...Burqa-nasheen

She wore a black burqa, held a Nokia phone in her left hand and walked past me in the wee hours of the morning yesterday. I stood at the door of my home looking at her enveloped form thinking "does the first train to Chennai Park arrive now?" "will my friends, Myank, Pati and Nishant make it conveniently here?".....humming "En Idayam ... Hossana...Hellllo o o..."    "Helloo o" "Hello o". "Hello Sir, excuse me!", she said. "Could you please tell me where the Police Station is?"..."Oh! There", I pointed out. She looked at the bi-lingual board, and apparently was taken aback. "Oh! Okay. Sorry I did not notice it." I saw her deep round eyes as she batted them for a while, seemingly embarrassed at the omission. Then in a brisk, sudden movement she turned and started walking toward the building she was looking for. In a couple of minutes her puffed black form was shielded from vision by the opaque concrete walls.

As I turned I thought.......


Doesn't a woman's being "in wraps" endanger the relative position of others in the society with whom she interacts or converses? For instance the girl who talked to me yesterday, knows how I look, what exactly my features are, what wristwatch I was wearing, how my expressions are, whether or not I have a mustache, how exactly I sound (my sound is not muffed, unlike her's) etc. If you consider that we both used the same amount of time and effort to speak to one another, it seems naturally unfair that she should have a natural relative information advantage just because she is a woman and a Muslim together. She could file a more accurate information report about me than vice-versa. So even while talking to you she remains disguised, covered and concealed and hence she does not allow a level playing field in even a potentially harmless natural conversation.
In a public place a "purdahnasheen" woman has no identity. She is can not recognized, identified or described. She, even in the real world, lives a virtual entity. She does not have a face or features. She suffers what can be the most blatant and perverse kind of sexual objectivity. She lives in a world where she is treated as a shapeless, formless creature where the only thing that she lives by is the identification that she is Muslim and a woman simultaneously.
I ll keep back my comments till I receive feedback on what has been told till now.
You might also look this post up.

The balance of life. Context: Forgiving.

I have reasons to believe that despite the civilization and development brought about by time to man's thought process, basic survival instincts and strategies have pretty much remained unchanged. The "jungle raj" still exists among the hectic activity of modern life and life sustaining activities. It is imperative that man remains cautious, else even today he will be annihilated. if you compare this to the "law of the jungle" where all animals big or small have to remain cautious in order to survive, you would find it strikingly similar. In our daily lives, within colleges, offices,home, playground, pubs and not to mention during times of war, we are all indulged in self protection and self preservation by making our ground stronger and no matter how strong we are there is still a threat (like in the jungle food chain where no matter where you are in the food chain there is always a hunter and you are always the prey). You stop being hunter the nanosecond you lose focus and caution. That moment you become the PREY -  no matter who you are. Rajiv Gandhi was PM, India when he lost caution, America's Pacific Fleet was the strongest fleet in the World when they were caught sleeping in Pearl Harbor, Brazil lost focus for a nano-second when France's Zidane struck them and stole the World Cup of 1999...examples are innumerable.

In my life I decided to be cautious due to various circumstances I and my family have faced over the years and it has stood me in good heels. In most situations, I have always worked form an advantage and never allowed considerable laxity in my vigil. But it is not humanly possible to continue relentless surveillance against getting cheated, against mistrust, against the wolf in sheep's clothing. And there steps in a thing called "trust".

You trust a person because you need time off from this fight. And you need an ally, in fact you need many allies. Family, friends, lovers etc. are important because if they backfire they can cost maximum damage. Heard the adage, Known devil is better than unknown angel? When I trust someone, I give him or her my best, contribute to the relationship, make adjustments as required and give cover fire. All I ask in return is trustworthiness as I know that many may not be able to give the amount of commitment I give.

But some make the deadly mistake of treason. And that is something that doesn't classify for me as a mistake. Hence there is no forgiving it. For me treason means that the person lacks humanity. Even dogs are loyal to their masters who in some cases may feed them meagerly. Why are human beings (supposedly a superior class) not being able to even emulate their inferior brotheren?

And distrust needs retaliation. And when it comes to retaliation (apart from exceptional cases) I ensure that consequences are not exactly what you would not call awful. I am a good friend but a better enemy, I say and I mean it.

And as far as forgiveness from God goes, I have forgiven enough people to earn it. To forgive a person who has drilled a hole right through your back is to endow him powers to complete what he couldn't initially. And life gives only one chance. And if forgiving was the sole objective of mankind why would the Mahabharata war happen? Couldn't Krishna advice Arjuna to forgive his cousins (in fact Arjuna volunteer's for it)? Why did Jesus rebuke Mary even while carrying the cross to his death, couldn't he have forgiven her? Or for that matter why doesn't God forgive us all and open the gates of heaven without any discriminating criteria? Wouldn't it be much more easy to forgive everyone for their sins? (especially for God in this case).

Leave God, among human beings Gandhi is one key apostle who both preached and practiced forgiveness and non-violence through his ideal of Sathyagraha. When a girl once approached Gandhiji in Kolkata and asked him, "Bapu, you talk about forgiving and non-violent behavior; what should I do if when I am crossing the lane to my house, the guys tease me and touch me where they shouldn't. Gandhi's unequivocal response was, "Beti, I would advice you to take out your slipper and beat them, irrespective of consequences".

Sometimes, forgive is just a word. It means nothing. Because the opposing entity is too big. And treason is probably as big as it could get.

I am a good friend but a better enemy.

A 2010 Love story - Vinnaithandi Varuvaya. (Will you come past the clouds?)

Note: Though this is a Tamil movie, I would request my readers to read this post. After all who doesn't like listening to stories?

'Out of all the girls in this wide vast world why did I love Jessie?', asks Karthick. The same doubt resounds again and again like the reverberation of the Nile amidst the rocky Greek terrain it flows through. In fact even Jessie too asks him the same question. And the answer is ... a smile (coupled with a nod of the head, if you could call that an answer). 

A bit of foreword before I continue further: 

Silambarasan -  the pervert, was the first opinion of the lead actor that I had heard. Strengthened by the numerous scandalous videos that appear as soon as you type in his name in You Tube and convinced by friends who said that the father-son duo only believed in making movies that were derogatory in nature, I decided to keep away from all Simbu movies. But if anything, Vinaithandi Varuvaya shows Simbu's potential as an actor. Though I am not sure if I should hand over the bulk of the credit to director Gautham Menon. 

The movie shot against the picturesque silhouette of Alapuzha and a few shots in hitherto undiscovered Malta, is a visual treat. I was not so impressed by the graphics of Avatar as by the shots of VV. Music deserves no comments as it has been under the care of Academy award and Oscar winner AR Rahman. Deservingly, the music release was held in London and not even in India. The track Hossanna is already at the top of the charts. Kudos team!!

The story still remains 'a typical love story'. But the stealthy charm to VV is characterised by its simplicity that touches the heart without a word being spoken. What with Jessy's run-of-the-mill Polaris job as a software analyst in a blue and white saree and the laptop bag slung over her shoulder walking fast to catch the office bus, what with cinematographer Ganesh's ordinary looks and humble humorous nature, what with Karthick's blue Pulsar bike, the film smells of simplicity with not much melodrama normal Tamil films are guilty of. Even the story is so simple, the guy and girl from diverse family backgrounds love each other, the brother and father of the girl play the typical villans and there is a bit of fight and commotion as well. Then when everything seems to fall in place there is the question of practicality and career interests. Obviously, to keep it a bit different the wily Menon has added a twist to the end. But the film doesn't fail to touch the heart. 

I heard that the movie has something to do with Menon's own life and that it can be safely said that not everything about the movie is pure fiction. 

The movie - both its versions - with the twist and without - make for a good watch. 

But the question still remains and that is what I would like to ask all of you too:

Out of all the girls in the world, why did I love Jessy? (*fill in the name of the girl you love)