A change in perspective: Getting a Job!

A change in perspective: Getting a Job!: "There was a time when people went from one office to another looking for a job. Government jobs were the 'in' thing. Things have changed th..."

The Great Chennai City Guide ~ over a Cuppa Filter Cofeee and Saambhar Vadai.

Having lived in the overwhelming metropolis of Chennai for almost two years, here are some survival tips, general information, do's and don'ts  for newbies:

The moment you step outside into the open, you ll realize with immediate effect that Chennai is a beautiful city with all three climates ~ hot, Hotter, HOTTEST! These three seasons rotate cyclically without leaving the slightest probability for the occurrence of  intermittent showers for months together. In case such showers occur, the temperature goes down by a half or quarter degree. But your Machan friend will tell you that you have no cause to worry; all Chennaiites are fervently praying for relief from the intense cold. But till then you could use his spare monkey cap and Blazer.
You could opt for the public transport to reach your place. These buses are quite economical and the MTC has made all possible arrangements for the ease of passengers. In case you don't know Tamil, you could read the bilingual electronic boards on the buses that exhibit the end destination as well as the route of the bus. Err.. that is if you are lucky enough and your timing matches the English version of the essay exhibit that scrolls at a speed slower than the proverbial snail. Else you can run behind the bus waiting for the Tamil version to end which, to happen, will take an eternity. But even for such a contingency, passengers could use the brilliant system of bus numbers*.  
*Conditions Apply: Unless you want to prolong your trip or escalate its status to one of adventure, I would advice you to be doubly careful with numbers. Eg. E18 bus goes to Guduvanchery, whereas 18E goes to Ramapuram  and both places are almost 50 kms. apart. Oh! Also watch out for the bus number crossed by a thin almost invisible line, which means that the bus will go to yet another location.

Chennai is a very helpful city. An angel with the khaki unbuttoned shirt would have loaded your luggage in his auto even before you considered it as an option. Please have at least the minimum sense of courtesy, say: "Nandri Anna" (meaning Thanks Brother). "Enge Ponum?", he will ask. (Where do you want to go?). And then you will realize that not all that glitters is gold. My advise: Say Courtesy, my foot and start haggling! The auto-drivers will have you believe all the following things:  All the roads in Chennai are one ways. All are jammed, some accident has taken place on all the roads due to which a round-about route has to be resorted to, all are heavily manned by police. There are no U turns and the CM's parade is passing through all the flyovers and underpasses at the same time. The auto-drivers live by the adage, I am I. Their application of logic is by no means questionable.
According to them it will cost you less to call an auto from the stand than to hire a returning one that happens to cross your residence! The closer you are to your destination, the more the charges! ~ are mere snippets doctrines that I have always been at a loss to explain and my auto-wallah is tired of explaining it to me.

The confusing pandemonium that the roads in Chennai are has been beautifully explained on an earlier post here. Negotiating the traffic might be a term anywhere else, but people in Chennai take it too seriously. In fact here most people are busy negotiating rather than driving. I have, on many an occasion seen traffic held up due to a negotiation, either friendly or otherwise between two bus-drivers or auto-wallahs. But after all civility is a thing ~ especially among neighbors (which sometimes even extends to their dogs that they take around with them) ~ that you can't really accuse that they inadvertently cause blocks and once in a while accidents too!! So please beware when you are taking a shortcut through Mylapore or Annanagar. Or better buy a road-roller for a vehicle. (Side-effects: The vehicle will drink petrol like Pepsi and you better start a bit early. But after all its risk-less, a concept that appeals to all middle-class Chennaiites)

One must not miss the opportunity to taste the sambhar-vadai, or the half-a-million varieties of Dosais or the Filter coffee at reputed chains like the Saravana Bhavan etc. You must place your order ~ if you can call it an order ~ by almost begging for food, reminding the waiter every time he passes by your place and in some situations even buttering him up a bit!! In case you decide to tell him to hurry up as you have to go somewhere, better be prepared with a story to back your statement up as the chances are high that the waiter may ask you the reason too. (Don't worry, the process is very similar to the way you ask for leave from your boss) But as I said times are changing and the process is being refined. I am sure that in a  couple of years people who want to have food in such restaurants might well be expected to bring in an application letter for being allotted a table along with a letter addressed to the waiter substituting the practice of ordering.

And at the end of all this begging, waiting, understanding...they will say "Chennai Super Kings k aaghe whistle podu" The voice sounds familiar though the appearance of Ranchi cricketer MS Dhoni in a lungi is a compliment in disguise to the typically non-superfluous ways of this city. And then you suddenly realize that no matter what, there is a strange flavor to this city - the saltiness of its Marina beach, the busy High Court inter-junction, the sweat of its sultry heat, the familiar 'dae machan', the rush at Satyam, the MCD at Skywalk, the temple at Mylapore, the delicious smell at the Vasantha Bhavan in Tambaram, the interiors at the Barbecue Nation near T.Nagar......... there is something about this city that sticks on to you.
So Chennai k Aaghe Nejama whistle podalam ne nanikeren!! Pode MaCHA  (I think, Chennai deserves a whistle after all, Come on Man!!!) Apidi pode ....... pode .....pode ..... Apidi pode ..........

*This post is dedicated to the loving memory of my dearest friends Sathyanarayanan (Sato) and Ravi Shankar (Bhaiyya), both of whom I lost on the 23rd of May, 2010. You both will continue to live in my heart now and for ever for without your point of view, I could have never loved Chennai even as much as I do. May you both rest in peace.

Have a laugh!

Oh! Just look at this flash video. Its simply superb. Kudos to the people who made it. Helped me laugh. I am sure all of you will like it.

*Please click PLAY .. sit back and enjoy.

Le- Paradizei, My two years at Chennai - I, a preface.

Like some of my not-so-fortunate friends, and most certainly unfortunate me, Nikhil had a tough time in during the short trip in Chennai. He has chosen to relate his trauma here. Please don't ask me why he chose to call Chennai "Samsland". I have no idea.
I shall soon write down, probably in great detail of the numerous adventures and misadventures that happened with and to me in the Box-Spiral City..(see their script that stares you in the face everywhere). But two things: like Nikhil has wisely said, his post is a comic satire and not meant to provoke anyone - (for that matter local script will stare you in the face till you train your mind to read it.. what else can the poor script do?), and Chennai is a beautiful city with its unique features like any other city almost anywhere, which is soaked in the richness of culture as its Nai dosa is soaked in Ghee!

mADhatTerS

I was searching for some quick-bits for my readers when I came across the world's easiest quiz. Indeed the world is a crazy place to live in, and I fear that some day all of us so-called 'normal' people would be branded insane if this be the standard of our ridiculousness:

 

WORLD's EASIEST QUIZ:   (Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)  

 

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

8) What color is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?

 

Before I proceed let me remind you once again that you need only 3 correct answers to

pass this quiz. 

 

ANSWERS:

 

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? ANS: Obviously 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats ? ANS: Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ? ANS: Any donkey would know that it comes from Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ? ANS: When else do they have time? Like normal people they celebrate it in November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ? ANS: Donated by its best friend the Squirrel ('s fur)

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ? ANS: Dogs, is the right answer. If you did not get that you are one yourself.

 

7) What was King George VI's first name ? ANS: Admitted, this is a bit tough. It was Albert

8) What color is a purple finch ? ANS: Come on now. You can't  be so dumb. It's CRIMSON. Are you blind or something?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? ANS: Where else can they get them at feather-weight prices, than New Zealand.

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ? ANS: Oh! This one is a sitter..ORANGE of course!!

*All the questions asked herein are true and not fictitious in nature. Any co-incidences, verification matches and authentications are very much possible. All places, animals, names, colors mentioned herein are real and might have all types of connection with anybody or anything dead or living. 

# Many many thanks for the inputs to Mr, Praveen Kumar C.

 

Driving the DIVINE INDIAN WAY < by Mr. Amit Banerjee >

I could not stop admiring this post and could not trace its link. So, hoping that I am not trespassing into copyrighted territory, and with full credit to the person who is probably its author, I am posting it here.
Hope you guys will enjoy it as much as I did. On Chennai roads at least most of it is true.

- DRIVING – DEVINE INDIAN WAY

Driving in India For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.
This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.
This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

VISHUDINA AASHAMSAKAL ! HAPPY VISHU!!

On the happy occasion of Vishu, I would like to thank all my readers who have made this blog their favorite hangout. I hope that this new year sees all of you in good health enjoying prosperity and peace. Let me also take the opportunity towelcome the new readers to The Garden of Eden.  Happy reading !